Death by breathing

So here I am, 6.25am! Laid wide awake next to my boyfriend. Who by the way is fast asleep!! Not only is he fast asleep, he is breathing!!! And by breathing I mean breathing THAT heavily that I have to wear earplugs just so I can sleep on a night! I mean, who the fuck even breathes like that anyway and why is it even a thing!! It's not snoring, he rarely snores but God if you heard him breath well let me tell you, you would also be lying here contemplating whether or not a prison sentence for his suffocation is worth it over me having to listen to it!!

During the day I love him dearly, he's the best boyfriend I have ever met in my entire life and I genuinely mean it. He does everything to make me happy.. Except breathes; which is ironic isn't it?

(It seems to be getting louder as I write this and the idea of a prison sentence appears to be leaning closer towards me.)

The worst thing is, I am potentially buying a house with this person... That means endless nights of breathing. Oh God, can I even handle this? 🙈

I guarantee he will roll over soon, slide across whilst at the same time pull me closer to him and push his morning shaft hard against my arse. I know this because this is the standard wake up routine I have now become accustomed to.

He will continue pushing himself against me turning himself on even more whilst I'm thinking about a morning coffee ☕ and how long I have before I need to start getting ready for work.

This is obviously a "man thing" but they certainly don't seem to understand that us women just like to have a peaceful brew, maybe a chat n a bit of a cuddle in bed but no heavy petting n gross morning breath all over our face!! Jeez. I do tell him this too, but to no avail so I don't know why I bother actually wasting my breath.

(Yes he is still breathing by the way!)

Once I have written this and done my usual Facebook noseying, I'll then be bored and likely at a point where the pillow is in my hand ready to carry out the procedure! So if by this time he hasn't woke up and began prodding me with his penis, then I'll start poking him because I'm bored and fed up of his breathing now. This will entice him to roll over and begin his morning routine with me as if I'm a toy waiting to be played with.

I'm moaning and grumbling but I genuinely don't mind this part, mainly for the fact he won't breath as noticeably heavy and once he's properly awake and I've contemplated whether or not we have that morning sex. You know the one with absolutely zero passion what so ever because you're both so conscious of the ever so persistent morning breath that lingers in your mouth; so you spend the entire performance avoiding each others faces and willing the whole thing to hurry up and for to him to shoot his load so you can then finally have that coffee ☕.

Alternatively it could go a slightly different way and I could go for a wee, make us both a coffee, drink the coffee, then he will begin his morning routine with me and sex will be slightly more passionate due to having coffee breath which is certainly more bearable then morning breath!

Of course, all this depends on whether or not I can be bothered to freeze my arse off downstairs making the coffee and whether he wakes up before I have finished this blog. Which by the way is looking highly unlikely due to his ever so beautiful breathing that fills the mornings silence like the birds softly tweeting in the trees (said no one, ever!!)

Steve if you happen to stumble across this blog just know I love you dearly but there are many times throughout the night (and morning) where there is high potential of me turning into a psychopath and causing you some serious harm; which will likely result in death!! 😁

I think I'll begin by weeing!

Life with mingin boys!!

Sat in the park minding my own business when two young boys probably around 4/5 max, come over. Ignorant of my presence they continue to play their game... Josh and Oliver are off playing some form of death game as per usual...   All of a sudden out of this young child's mouth comes "I'm gonna cut your throat" and his friend responded with "quick shoot them there, chop him, chop him!!"   Then I hear Josh shouting to oliver "kill him, quick kill him, all the zombies are over there!" this went along side some dramatic death performance as a zombie had clearly shot him!  Then I see two young girls within a slight distance from both sets of boys; with flowers in their hair and pretty pony tails happily playing cartwheels and handstands completely oblivious to the death, blood and zombies that surrounds them.   So I sit and wonder what that peaceful girly life must feel like? I'd always wanted a girl!  I look back over at Josh n ol "I've just shot you in the head, you are dead now!!" (as oliver is hanging himself out of the top of the slide!)  And I laugh to myself and have to say I'm majorly thankful I have two minging boys who love to kill each other on a regular basis, love adventure, running round, climbing trees and actually come close to some serious broken bones quite regularly! After all they clearly take after me 😁🤗    😂😂🙈